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back to therapy hour! so far i have just been summarizing and applying the book to my own life. however, now it is time to do some of the actual exercises the book has in it. the first ones are just to get you used to applying the types of twisted thinking to situations in your own life. so on to the self-awareness exercises...it also gives you scenarios that commonly make people feel angry, or whatever other emotion you are working with at the time and has you look for the types of twisted thinking that were used in the example. i did that part, but i decided not to put it here. anger- the first thing i had to do was just jot down a time when i was angry and answer some questions about it. damn- what to pick from...so i wrote about one that is the type of situation that gets me ridiculously angry each time it happens (luckily, this happens pretty rarely). anywho, my situation was when the sweet one was over half an hour late getting home and she didn't call. it isn't that i expect her to rush home to tend to my needs or anything- but what happens each time someone is late- even a couple minutes late- my mind immediately turns to all the tragic things that could be causing it. so...i have gotten better about not freaking out immediately, but i think i have given my brain permission to freak out once a person is half an hour late. so i nervously paced and checked the window a several times while waiting for her to get home, trying to tell myself that everything was fine for the first 15-20 minutes...i also tried calling her cell phone, which she didn't answer either. this added to my anxiety. i had too thoughts that began competing in my head: 1- oh god. she's dead or hurt. and 2- she was inconsiderate and rude for making me worry. and then it got to that magical half an hour point where i go from being pretty nervous to being almost a basket case. i got in my car and headed off in the direction of her work- and passed her on the way (she was heading home, i was heading out to look for her). when i saw she was fine, i became irrate. not that i didn't want her to be fine- of course i prefer it that way...but then i was able to feel angry that she had made me worry so much. i was also extremly mad at me for always overreacting. the anger was also mixed with great relief though, because as mad as i was at least she was ok and alive. the book asked what types of twisted thinking i engaged in during that incident. overgeneralization, mental filter, labeling, mind reading, all or nothing thinking...probably more. it makes you think of other reasons that could have caused the situation (rather than either she is dead or purposely trying to make me worry). perhaps she got caught up with work and didn't notice the time (which is pretty much what happened). there could also be traffic problems or lost keys. any number of reasons could cause a person to be late. as for the cell phone- i know she leaves it in the car when she goes to teach- so she would only answer it if she were already in the car and it was turned on. well, she wasn't in her car, so that is why she didn't answer or call me. she didn't do it on purpose to make me nervous or anything like that. working through it on paper helps me realize that i do overreact a lot. i do blow things out of proportion. so now, i need to work on not letting my twisted thinking get the best of me before i have all the information. and next on therapy hour, i discuss a situation that made me anxious.
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