panther's lair

at least 2 gallons, possibly close to 4 (i'm not actually sure how big the pitcher is- either 1 or 2 gallons and we drank 2 almost full ones by our selves from friday night to sunday).

i'm surprised i haven't had the worst sugar crash in the world yet either. or maybe it came while i slept last night. hard to say.

i do realize the stupidity of someone with anxiety such as mine drinking such large amounts of caffeine and sugar. i do realize it. yet, i have had problems with caffeine since i was a small child and that is something i have yet to ever successfully completely shake. weirdly enough, my caffeine consumption often starts creeping up when my anxiety is high- i crave it like crazy. it is the worst possible thing for me at that time (save for meth or something like that i suppose) but i really want it. so i am sure it makes my anxiety go through the roof then- adding stimulants to such a highly stimulated person- absolutely crazy. yet i do it regularly.

instead of being able to stop this madness, all i do is then feel guilty for doing something that makes me worse. then with guilt, i CRAVE sweet tea or coke again. any intense emotion apparently goes better with a healthy dose of sweet caffeine!

sometimes i am able to bring it back down- and i had done fairly well until this weekend. starting this morning, i am limiting the amount i may have again - and i hope this weekend's tea binge won't hurt too badly today!